We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
