ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
