hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
