I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
