No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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