The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
