you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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