his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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