it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
