I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
