My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
