just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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