two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
