I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
