i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
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I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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