I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
They took my balls.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
