Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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