If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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