i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
no you cant smoke seaweed
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
