i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
