I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The air was thick with penises
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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