TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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