He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
