If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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