mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
