Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
