I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
