i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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