This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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