hotel room ftw
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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