He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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