office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
