Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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