I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
