I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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