"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
