Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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