when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the day after is always just damage control
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
