Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i now understand why vodka
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
