i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
