I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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