We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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