I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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