Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
