Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
