I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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