There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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