Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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