She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
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She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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