if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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