Where are you?
In a non slutty way
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
