just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
