i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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