did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize