Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
