Someone shit on the floor
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
