People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
