either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you didnt know i had herpes?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
