Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize