her vagine was all disorganized.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
