i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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