16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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