I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
