I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
