bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
