my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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