the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
