SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
