I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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