Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You made out with two different species that night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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